.....

Fuck everything, these days are hell.

Fire

Weight: 173.0 

I am taking these next couple days off to fully organize and clean out my room and all the shit I have in boxes and go through my clothes,shoes, and accessories. My life is WAY too dysfunctional right now and I need to change anything to help that asap. 

 I purchased a bag of black rocks and have 59 of them(one for every pound) in a clear glass jar and for every pound I loose I will be able to take one out. When its empty I will have reached my goal.

so tired...

Weight: 174.8

           ehhhh not too happy with the number but nonetheless I am eternally grateful the  number has moved. I think I should consider taking a break from smoking weed but I always go back and forth with that decision  and then I just end up smoking a bowl. It hasnt really effected my fasting too much which is kinda amazing to me actually... I can't wait for a day off on Wednesday! God, it's over due.

-

175.0. Too depressed to even write anything

This blows...

So I got a keep calm and carry on notebook to keep track of every calorie that dares to enter my body. I have been stuck at 175 this week and it is really killing me cause I've been trying so hard and not eating and exercising and keeping control and its not showing in the number. I feel a little cloud of depression hanging over until I reach 169, I REALLY hope I'm there by the end of this month or I don't what I'll do. I wanted to be down today so I could justify eating something (and then purging of course) and being alright with it but with still being at 175 I don't know if I will. At the same time I want to stuff my face cause of how depressed I am that I'm not down even one lousy pound...

On a brighter side I only consumed 20 calories yesterday from the two sugar free red bulls I drank to keep me from loosing my sanity and keeping my energy at work.

you can't help but love numbers

I have found my ideal weight. 114. I wonder if I'll stop there. Fasting went pretty good today I guess, i did order eggs and hashbrowns at breakfast. But I only ate half of it and immediately drank coffee and threw it all up in the bathroom til nothing more would come out. Besides that I need to get better at counting calories, I think I need a little black book to keep on me where I can write every calorie that enters my body. My goal right now is to be 169 by the end of this month. If I can do it I think I may reward myself with a new purse...

Really

Weight: 175.3


Fasted all day yesterday had a sugar free red bull to keep me going all day drank 4 bottles of water and 48 oz of green tea. I forgot I made plans this morning for breakfast....shit. I'll just get coffee and said I already had some breakfast at home and just get fruit or something.  Its gonna be really hard not to get some huge fatty breakfast with lovely browned hashbrowns mmmmm and purge it all but I won't. I didn"t even loose one pound :( if I try to fast today and just stick water and green tea hopefully I'll be down more than .2 tomorrow morning. I REALLY need to break this 170's business. Well I've gotta run not eat breakfast....wish me luck!!

Just Getting Started

Today has been a good day.

Weight: 175.6

Calorie Intake: 210

I am kicking this weight in the ass. I swear to god if it's the last thing I do on this planet. I have always had a weight problem and finally at 18 I am gonna finally do something about I am counting calories, downing water, fasting, doing everything possible to keep from eating. I am sick of being the fat girl, I want to be the best possible version of myself and this is me taking control of my life. Making what I want. What I need. 

 

Just starting off!

I would like to welcome you to my first blog!

(This is a pro-ana blog)

I am ever so excited, and pumped to finally be able to have  a place for support and inspiration.

Tomorrow is my first day off in two weeks so I will be starting the day off with my first real post.  Every one I will start with my weight and end it with my calorie intake. This is my first time really trying to finally be skinny and beautiful. And I thought this would be a good place to keep track of some excellent thinspiration thank you. I am going to take control of my life by first taking control of my food.